Come Have a Cuppa!

Come Have a Cuppa!

NEED A WEAPON?

Pray the Rosary (daily).
Our Lady of Fatima, Ora pro nobis.
One who has hope lives differently. - B16

Tuesday, March 10, 2009

The Trouble With My Past . . .

. . . It's Creeping Up and Taking A Big Swipe At My Arse . . . just like me mum always wished for me. I mean, hoped for me. I mean, well, just like she said it would.

"One Day" as mum prophesied is here and alive and kicking through my rambunctious but well-meaning child. My eldest has grown up seeing my punk days (in pictures) and has overheard stories of my past (just listening in and I'll admit here: I did not take great enough pains to make sure he never heard anything) . . . and now he'd like to create some of his own memories.

That's fine, really. But, he's going to have to create them without horrible peers and the influence that comes with them. Mind, I'm not blind. I know the sporto's and cheerleaders snuck the drink and drugs just as did the punks and nerds - probably in equal measure, across the board. Still. I aim to make sure that my children never succumb to any of that. The first time may seriously harm them, someone else, or kill them or someone else. I've had the talks with them and have stated that I was a lucky one. Very lucky and if I could change my past in any way, I would never had done any of the drugs or drinking.

Quite honestly, I'm not concerned about him ever using any illegal substances (or legal ones: huffing paint cans or over-doing the No-Doz). I'm more concerned with the fact he wants to colour his hair and wear all black. Okay, in his defense, he has asked for white and gray shirts as well. But, what gives? He's trying to go goth - and dad and I are standing firmly together that that will not happen. Even with any money that comes to him. He cannot colour his hair - something I wouldn't mind as long as it wasn't extreme. Oh, but I have come to realize, after taking a hard look at how I got started in all my self-destructive behaviours: it starts with the hair colouring, adding a black smock here and a black bit there, sneaking a smoke (cigarettes for me) . . . not being stopped when I cussed at my folks (more likely because I looked a devil, than any other excuse I may have reason to fall for - mum's mental illness and fear; dad's being unplugged, really).

I'm here to tell you: stand firm with your children. It's always harder to back up than go forward the RIGHT way the first time. They may hate me (at times; maybe long times), but like Regan said (as many of you know and have said): I am forming them for the Kingdom. Eternal Life is far more precious - and it's not loving to allow your child to choose to go through certain hell on earth (and risk Eternal Life in the process) by "being a part of the crowd".

I'm only saying this here, not because we are in any trouble with said son. In fact, other than a little bit of rebellion that comes with spreading one's wings, and not doing well in two school subjects, he's a really great kid. I experience his goodness far more than his rebellion. Thanks be to God! I write this for anyone who may have a child who may be chinking away at your resolve. Keep up the fight. Don't let Satan through the door.

Jesus, Mary, and Joseph, pray for us.

10 comments:

Unknown said...

So well-written, Sarah! I don't have teens yet, but I firmly believe in being firm on this stuff...thanks for sharing!

Christine said...

I thought you told him about Kissteen. Tell him again...if he doesn't be a good boy Kissteen will come and shape him up! Nobody messes with my Sarahskee!

OK...just goofin around.

Stay tough. Or tough love?! Lots of prayer. Good books? A slap upside the head?! OK...just kidding.

Give that boy lots of love and hopefully someday he will understand.

I wish I would have had stronger parents.

Sarah - Kala said...

Therese - thank you. It's just on my heart a lot lately 'cos he so badly wants to colour his hair and dress goth/emo like so many do (posing or actual). On the surface, it's not a big deal if it's a "fad" (which I think it largely is), but when you scratch the surface, there's more going on there (for some of them). And, sorry, that way of dressing sends a message of pure rebellion and I sometimes think that if I correct one of these neardowells that I may get a scowl and a resounding "piss off lady!". I expect it, I guess. I was a clean and polite punk and was angry that many had harshly judged me to be a possible thief, drug addtict (earlier on - because eventually I did use) . . . I know that not every punk/emo is on drugs or have tried them or are sexually active etc., because I wasn't. You know? But Hollywood has made that look a "mean" look - nothing too respectful. That is why we are fighting it.

Kissteen - I'll tell him! I promise, Rambo! Ha! Um, well, I wish I had stronger parents, too. I would have resented it a bit at the time, but even at the time thanked God they cared!! THey did care, but they were afraid to act, and I don't know why!

CJ Sweet said...

The more I learn about you, the more I am amazed at how similar we are! We really have to get together for that lunch before you go!

Good for you for standing your ground. What you did as a youngster has no bearing on what you should let your children do, depsite the children's thinking the contrary. But I know too many parents who fall into that trap. They feel that because of anything they did in their past they have to let the youngsters make the same mistakes. Well, duh, that argument just isn't logical despite seeming so on the surface. So yay for you! :-)

A Bit of the Blarney said...

Been down this road...It's hard to be the MOM! But you have the gumption to hang in there...Sometimes you have to be the "dictator" not the "friend" and it's not easy!!! You'll be tested but you, my dear will pass the test with flying colors!!!! The rewards are great though! You'll see! Have a grand day! Cathy

Larry Denninger said...

They say that grandkids are payback for the grandparents for all the grief their own kids gave them. I think to some extent it's true.

Of course, that means my boys will be perfect gentlemen throughout their teenage years...(sniff sniff) is it just me, or does anyone else smell the BS in here? ha ha

Jamie Jo said...

All I can say is prayers for you and can I keep my kids just the way they are right now, forever?

Sarah - Kala said...

LarryD - you crack me up. I'm smelling sumpin!

Jamie - if you keep the telly out of your house or limited, you just may keep your kids the way they are for a longer while. I pray they maintain their innocence as long as possible. We can't let them go from six to sixty overnight. God help us! And, thank you for your prayers. They mean everything to me.

Allison said...

It is the stuff to worry about, especially knowing that I too had a past I would not want my kids repeating...

Many prayers to guardian angels!

Mimi said...

My 18year old hasn't been much of a struggle (although his grades are not stellar) but my nearly 13year old will be a trial, I can tell.

Lord have Mercy as we all parent.