What the Bloody Hell Was My Problem?

I know, you all think I'm chipper and upbeat all.the.time, yeah? Yeah. Pretty much.

I have down days, too. Usually, though, I can't say "days" as I usually have moments. Just moments. Mind, I was still showering daily and brushing my teeth and being a nice mommy.

I just felt like a deflated balloon (tho' I still look like I have stuffed two big balloons in the back of my trousers - depressing backside!).

I had a family issue that needed clarification. Check.
I wanted to do more for my sibling who needed some dosh. Check. I wanted to do more, but . . . the parents also stepped in. Check.
The hubster was outta town for a week. He's home again. I had to get him from the airport in the dark. I don't drive well in the dark. I found him. We lived. Check.
The youngest needs braces in his gob. We'll find a way. Check.
The Hawaiian school system is having money problems. Who pays? The kids, that's who. Seventeen furlough days have been handed down. Starting 23 October, seventeen Friday's will be no school, no pay for teachers, for a grand savings of about 5 million smackeroos. Yet, Obama wants school hours to be longer, more days added etc., but with what damn money? If he can't keep the HI kids in school for seventeen days that were originally scheduled, what can he really do? Maybe it's a good thing he can't do anything about this at the moment.

I hate big government.

My baby brother (well, heh, he's actually only fourteen months younger than me) spoke no truer words when he said that nothing in the world, let alone our country, will be right ever again until we get FAMILY right.

Family is the buzz word folks.

So, my mind is reeling and I'm praying about what to do. I have home schooled before. It works. The actual education part, that is. What didn't work was the kiddos respecting the use of time. If I am to swim in the waters of home schooling again in the future, "the law" will be very strict. Also, I will not use a packaged program. Before all that, I have to convince the Chief who isn't convinced I have a spine to handle it again. Nor is he convinced that the kids will ever "believe" me when I say "this is the law, folks, whether you like it or not." You know why?

I have trouble keeping a straight face. Unless I'm pissed off. I am rarely that.

I have a hard time being seriously strict about school. I just want to hand them the stuff to do and expect them to do it. Ask me anything, if you need my help, but for the most part, they are 15, 13, and 11 - not stupid - and very self-sufficient. They do lack what I lack though: motivation? Well, I gave birth to three procrastinators. I'm the Queen.

I have a few boxes in my closet . . . a few still.by.the.back.door.downstairs.

I married a procrastinator or those said boxes would be unpacked, sorted, done away with. The moving company would have already been here removing the empty boxes that still remain unflattened in our garage - I'm sure we have a nest of lizards (excuse me, geckos) in there now.

On top of all this stuff going on in my head, I'm emotional, bloated, and eating ridiculous amounts of all the wrong sorts of things! My jeans are super tight and my skin is exploding.

I felt all a mess, is all. For a couple of days.

Thankfully, I continued to pray . . . even if I don't feel like anything good comes from it, I KNOW good comes of it . . . and thank God for that certainty He implanted in this very thick skull of mine. I'm sure He has patience beyond measure to deal with me.

I'm much better now. I'm making good progress on my bear stitchery and making cards . . . and, no, not really tackling the boxes. I'm afraid to touch Chief's stuff - but I will empty the boxes to see if any of my things ended up in there; I will clean off the bookcase by his side of our bed and put his books on there for him. I can do that. I can re-box stuff I think he'll want to go through himself. It will be neater and stacked in our closet then. No longer bothering me.

So, that's what I plan to do for others tomorrow. Love them in the little things and stop being angry at them for not reading my mind about those little things.

Love them where they are at. Love me where I'm at.