Trusting

I'm going to be rolling up my sleeves today and get the kiddo's clothes cleaned. I'm also going to make a de-lish dessert: mocha brownie dessert. Friends, I tell you, it is so good it's worth every calorie. I need this dessert.

Yesterday was a nightmare.

Seriously, there was a moment when I was standing outside of myself and I thought "one more thing" is going to absolutely destroy me. I teetered on an edge of . . . hell, I don't even know what to call it. But I was so there.

Squirrel Boy's having a hard time getting his can out of bed in the morning. Understandable. He's not going to bed until after ten each night and has to be up at 6am to make the bus by 6:45am. He's growing (yes, Dawn, and all who know this boy) and all that crazy hormone surging is making this kid one lump of almost absolutely useless. Y'all know what I'm saying.

Let me back this up to Tuesday morning at 4am when my husband's alarm goes off. That alarm hasn't been set back that early in ages. Well, okay, a few months. The Chief and I have enjoyed sleeping until about six every morning since his last PT (physical test for the military) a few months ago. Well, he's starting the early routine again without warning me. I had gone to bed LATE (darn all that reading I do!) and the alarm so early . . . me dragging all day 'cos I had a babysitting job early Tuesday morning so I could not risk falling back to sleep! Tuesday was a long day, so I turn in by ten knowing I had a back up job Wednesday late morning - it would be a couple of hours. Well, SB did not get up. My hubs also did not get up. I'm swimming in the foggy half-baked Z's, stumbling about to get dressed and drive SB to school - late. In fact, he was about 40 minutes late, specifically because he was taking.his.time. Excuse me, son? You better light a fire under your arse before my foot does!

So, I'm tired as heck, doing something I loathe to do: get dressed to drive a kid to school (who was warned repeatedly to stop running late so I don't have to do this any more) only to return back here to undress, shower, etc. For some reason, it really bothers me to dress for a simple thing (albeit annoying), knowing I have to get dressed all over again 'cos I skipped the shower in the first place. Well, the really annoying factor is: if I had known he was making waffles and going to have a leisurely breakfast, I'd have taken that time to shower first. See, time is a big deal with me. I can't stand it when people mess with my time. Especially my punkass kid. I'm kidding, I really do love the bugger. He knows it - and that's usually a good thing.

So, I have this back up daycare job, yeah? 11:30 report to duty. I know only a few things: I have her two-year-old, a four-month-old baby and a four-year-old that shares her 2yo's name. Confusing, but do-able. But, I have been informed that the 4yo has touching and/or sensory issues. Okay, this is not new territory, he can set that boundary with me. Fine. I wasn't worried. His issues of touch were really more that her 2yo was not touching him gently, but in his face and obnoxious as only a 2yo can be, right? So, the baby is upset 'cos I'm a new face and the boys are going at each other (no violence, just typical play and tug of war issues I can handle just fine). We have lunch. Well, they have lunch. I get to starve. One of the biggest points they made about food during training is that the provider sit and eat the same food as the children. So, she is supposed to provide me food, too. Nope. OH, well, I come prepared. I eat my granola bar. Now. The day kind of spirals as both boys will not go down for nap time. She calls me about the time the 4yo is getting picked up (3:30) and reminds me that I need to get her two sons and two other charges from the school (about three city blocks away). Um, I distinctly remember NOT hearing that. She did not say that when she "hired" me - she was way too concerned I understand the issues involved with Mr. Touchy kid, whom never had any issues with me or I with him (he was great, actually). Anyhoo, I did go get the kids, but I was set into a panic mode. She verbalized her concern that I wouldn't come back and work for her again (I'm slated to return Tuesday). Well, I said I would and reiterated I'm a person of my word. We all have days like this and unexpected things happen. She expected to be back a lot sooner than what happened. A 45 minute appointment turned into several hours. But it was stressful, because after all the kids were picked up by 5:10, she still wasn't back and I started to wonder what her boys were going to have for dinner. I had my husband order pizzas so I could chuck some back right when I got in our door. That was about 6:30. I was terribly hungry to say the least.

I had hoped that she would be back before 3:30 as she had anticipated. Why? SB stayed after school for math tutoring and I wanted to be able to pick him up (it was only 45 degrees and I did not want him to have to walk home). But, the plan was for him to call me when he was done so that if I could get him, I would; if not, he had to walk. Then, after walking home, to call me so I knew he got home okay.

So, in the AM, after taking SB to school, I was a swirl of emotions and worry. I almost called her to cancel the back up job - because I did not know if SB would get home alright. As I was looking at myself, I realize that: we'll both be fine. For some reason, by the grace of God, this rational calm enveloped me and I started to calm down and trust that SB would follow through. He always has as far as these situations go. He's always been morally responsible and physically responsible. He's not doing great in Algebra and English, but that has no bearing on my trust in him doing the right thing. They are separate issues. So, I let go.

The upside is that I made a decent living yesterday - and it all turned out okay.

I did rethink my commitment to returning to help her out on Tuesday (for a few moments), but the reality of who I am is that I'll be there; I won't fail her and I will not fail my word.

And, you know what? I so totally trust Jesus.

He's gotten me thus far, yeah?