The Interview (now aren't y'all sorry you ever started this!)

The Interview by Melissa

Instructions:
1. Leave me a comment saying, "Interview me".
2. I will respond by emailing you five questions. (I get to pick the questions).
3. You will update your blog with the answers to the questions.
4. You will include this explanation and an offer to interview someone else in the same post.
5. When others comment asking to be interviewed, you will ask them five questions.
So, here are the 5 questions with my answers...

1. Are your parents still around? And do you have any siblings? (if none, how many do you wish you had?)

My parents are still around - alive and well, thank heavens. I have an older sister and a younger brother. God granted my parents the three of us and that seems to have worked out rather well. We all get on quite well, too, and always have, actually.

2. Did you get along with your parents as a teenager/young adult? How does that make you feel?

Is this a bloody trick question? Did I get along with my parents . . . that would be depending upon the situation. My dad was an alcoholic until my very early teens, and, therefore fun-loving when sober - taught us all to bait and lure and fish etc. - very keen on being alone, busy with his projects; mum was a dependent - so she drank like mad when he did - she was a screamer, blamer, and it was just easier to stay the heck out of her way; I, however, stayed out of the way like a moron crossing a desert without water . . . it was as if I begged for her to come after me. Still. I was a fighter and usually my rhetoric saved me. I believe this to be the case since many times when my mum was being unreasonable, I was able to be insightful about stuff (wise - not wise-arsed as you may wont to think me). Okay, I was a wise-arse, too, but mainly I stood my ground - I don't handle being attacked very well; did not appreciate the numerous benefits my sister got because of mainly my mum's (remember, dad was a 'shadow') idiotic ideology that first born's are to be prized, my sister was an honour student (so I really didn't bother), and I was always told terrible things (i.e. there was no money for my interests, I shouldn't bother, and I would have thirteen kids just like me - frankly, that last one didn't bother me too awful much 'cos I kinda thought I was okay). How does it make me feel? Well, my vitriol here probably sounds like I haven't gotten over it, but the truth is this: My dad sobered up and started being dad; mom calmed down a bit after that but it took years for them to trust each other again. I had all my issues (as a result of or whatever, which can be read about in my conversion story). I don't blame anyone for my mistakes. I had an opportunity to face my anger, resentments and what-have-you and was able to speak to my parents in person to thank them for sticking it out through thick and thin - that as an adult, I can see in hindsight their many many problems and that I forgive them and myself for ever believing they didn't love me or want the best for me. I will say this: it means everything to not spew venomous words at your children. It saps them of confidence. If a kid grows up feeling unloved (whether or not the parent's do or do not - usually they do, but act out of anger and frustration and withhold love because they do not know any different) - the child will have problems. SO LOVE THEM UNCONDITIONALLY! If you have to be mean, be mean to your kitchen sink! I feel our relationship is on excellent ground these days - we are all progressing and working our way to Heaven. Forgiveness is key. Not looking back to stay there is key. LOVE PEOPLE RIGHT WHERE THEY ARE AT. Know that it's okay to back away - and shut the door if you need to, but don't lock it. People change and grow - and maybe it's us that needs to grow and change, first.

3. Is it possible to talk to your parents in strong disagreement without dishonoring them? Do you feel your children honor you as God wants?

Yes - in fact I have done so many times. And likewise. No love lost, no disrespect. Really, in talking about anything, you have to come to the talk willing to LISTEN. I am certain my children are trying their absolute best to honor me as God wants - and I am open to this waning, changing, etc., because they may go through many experiences that influence that. I must keep praying for them and keep communication open. There is also always going to be room for improvement.

4. How would you approach your parents today, if you felt compelled to tell them that you thought they were dealing with your siblings wrongly?

As I do now, I listen to whichever party wishes to share their grievances - I do not tell the other party. I don't see what good it does to get myself in the middle of it. I have my opinions, but my situation is I live 3,000 miles from my immediate family members so I'm so far removed from their daily lives that it would be difficult for me to wave the white flag or point fingers. I try to advise loving more - forgiveness (even if you don't feel it). If I think strongly that whatever is going on between them is going to hurt me, I do not get involved - period. If what is going on is leaving me emotionally exhausted, I tell both or all of them to leave me out of it.

5. Describe briefly how you see your own family’s relationship in 20 years.

Continually getting better. I see possibly one son as a priest, the other a successful game designer/programmer, and a future - and most excellent - baker/chef/photographer (and maybe these two will marry really great Catholics and have tons of babies so I can be a grandma). OH, and I finally see daily Mass as a given. Finally.